


Take New Heights Like This

by easycomeeasygo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drinking, Explicit Language, Friends to Lovers, Idiotic Friends to Idiotic Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Qian Kun-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21854200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easycomeeasygo/pseuds/easycomeeasygo
Summary: Kun hands the bag to Sicheng, “You’re carrying this.”“You got me two? This is why you’re my favorite,” he says happily.When Kun looks up and sees Sicheng’s blinding smile, he’s suddenly struck with how badly he wants to kiss him. He wonders why it took him so long to get here and suddenly everything makes sense. His mind is spinning, thinking about Sicheng, even with him right next to him.Or: Kun falls in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Qian Kun
Comments: 11
Kudos: 140
Collections: kuniversism





	Take New Heights Like This

**Author's Note:**

> thank you S for all of your help.
> 
> prompt #89.

  
  


Kun is upset. And when he’s upset, he has two methods of relieving it. Usually the first one, running, solves it. Instead, he’s now in his kitchen, making an assortment of meals, after running 10km, to try to make himself feel grounded. Each time he feels his heart race more and more, he breathes in deep and focuses on carefully folding his pork dumplings. Everything just feels like too much, so he cooks. 

He ends up with too much food for just him and Yukhei to eat for the next few days so he separates out food, carefully putting them in different containers. He grabs some labels and neatly writes what they all are. 

He also messages Sicheng. 

**Kun**

hey you home?

It’s then that Yukhei walks in. He immediately stops, jaw-dropping, and looking surprised. 

“Please don’t,” Kun insists. 

“Kun-ge. You good?” He asks gently. Kun is offended at the insinuation. 

“I said don’t,” Kun whines. 

Yukhei puts his hands up. “I’m being a good considerate friend and roommate and asking.”

“Please don’t acknowledge me,” he sighs. 

Yukhei laughs.

Kun ignores him and grabs his phone to check if Sicheng replied. 

**Sicheng**

yeah, are you coming by?

Kun grabs a tote bag and somehow manages to fit all of the containers in it. Sicheng and Yuta are going to have a stupid amount of food. 

“I’m leaving, bye,” he says to Yukhei, who has just been watching him this whole time, amused. 

Yukhei just grins widely. “Say hi to Sichengie-ge for me.”

Kun hates his roommate. 

He mindlessly scrolls through his playlists trying to find something to listen to and slowly begins to relax, making his way through the station to catch his train. Before he knows it, he’s in the elevator going up to Sicheng’s floor. 

He knocks even though he knows the code and could just let himself in, but he’s polite. 

Sicheng opens the door, “Hey, Haikyuu?”

“Perfect,” Kun replies. He hands the tote bag over to Sicheng and he takes off his shoes before following him into the kitchen. 

Sicheng takes out each container, looking at Kun with complete disbelief. 

Kun sighs. “I went a little overboard. Xuxi says hi.”

“Of course he does. And obviously you went overboard. Kun, you _labeled_ everything.”

“So you know what’s what!”

“I have eyes, you Capricorn nightmare. I know what food looks like,” he replies, moving towards the fridge so he can put all of the food away. “Don’t worry though, you’re my favorite Capricorn nightmare, Kun-ge.”

They settle on the couch and Sicheng starts the episode they’re up to. He’s relieved that Sicheng doesn’t push him to talk, at least not right away. Sometimes it’s just hard to find the words he needs and Sicheng gets that, gets that needs time to settle into his thoughts before talking. 

When the episode ends, Sicheng pauses it. 

“Can I ask you why you made enough food to feed like... 6 people or do you need another episode or two?”

Kun sighs. He grabs the remote from him and hits play. “Maybe one more.” 

Kun’s focuses on the TV but feels Sicheng’s gaze on him.

They both hate talking about things. It’s something they bond about, how they try their best to keep themselves in, tucked away and safe. But they also have known each other for long enough that they’re both safe in each other’s presence. That if Kun wants to talk about why he’s anxious, he can and it’s fine. Sicheng is someone who can know that about him. Sicheng has always been someone that can know him.

It’s just always hard, opening his mouth and finding the words to vocalize what he always stops his brain from wanting to think about. 

“I got out of work early. I was gonna go get coffee and hang out for a bit, maybe read and then probably bother you. Ten was there with Johnny. Johnny saw me and we did that awkward eye contact and nod in acknowledgment thing but it didn’t seem like he told Ten so it was fine. But after I got my coffee and sat down Ten came over. He was fine, just like asking how I’ve been doing, how Yukhei and the kids are doing since he doesn’t see them as much now.” He sighs. 

“What’d he say, Kun?” Sicheng asks curiously.

“He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said ‘No, I’m not really interested in that right now’, I mean like we broke up what? A few months ago? It just seems really soon, at least for me. And he just gave me this weird look and said ‘oh’ and then said it was nice seeing me and went back to Johnny. I’m probably overthinking it or something but it just felt like this stupid reminder that I’m going to die alone.”

“You’re not going to die alone, Kun.”

“I’m a nightmare person, I’m going to die alone. He didn’t even have to say anything but I could tell that’s what he was thinking. I’ve always been good at reading him. And seeing him look a million times happier with Johnny than he did with me?”

“I don't know,” he adds on. “It’s probably dumb.”

“You’re probably reading too much into it, Kun. Ten really isn’t like that. I know you guys ended on bad terms and I don't want to completely defend him because of all of that, but I know he regrets a lot of how it happened.” 

Kun sighs. Sicheng is probably right. They’re still close and he selfishly knows that they wouldn’t be if Ten really meant everything that happened.

“Just because you and Ten didn’t work out doesn’t mean it won’t work out for you ever.” 

“Anyway,” Kun says, ready to shift the focus off of himself. “I love Daichi.”

Sicheng still looks concerned but he lets Kun change the conversation. “I know you do. It’s all you ever talk about when we rewatch.”

“Thanks again for the food,” Sicheng says as Kun gets ready to leave. 

“Of course,” Kun smiles. 

He feels better, at least enough that it no longer feels like his chest is collapsing in. He lets Yukhei know he’s on his way back to theirs.

-

Kun is halfway home from work after an unusually relaxed day when Sicheng texts him, asking if he’s home yet. When he says he’s 20 minutes away, Sicheng tells him he’s waiting outside his door.

Kun is immediately worried. Sicheng very rarely ever just shows up at his apartment, and when he does, it’s because either something happened or he’s upset. His gut says it’s the second one He messages Yukhei seeing where he is and when he says he’s meeting up with Renjun’s friends, he lets Sicheng know that Yukhei is out and he can wait inside.

The second he’s off the train, he all but runs out of the station and to his apartment. He takes the time he’s in the elevator to breathe and not have it look like he fucking ran. He’s not really sure why he’s _this_ worried.

When he opens the door, Sicheng is on the couch, wrapped in one of their blankets, looking exhausted, as if he hasn’t slept in ages. It’s only been a few days since he’s seen Sicheng last, and he doesn’t remember Sicheng looking this haggard.

“Hey Kun-ge,” he says quietly.

“I’m making us tea,” Kun replies.

He goes straight to the kitchen, filling up and turning on the kettle. He grabs two mugs for them from the cabinet and he digs through his shelf, looking for the bag of loose tea, the good one he keeps for moments like this, and his infuser.

He carefully steeps Sicheng’s tea, keeping an eye on the timer on his phone, while he throws a bag of green tea into his own mug, not as concerned about it.

Kun goes back into the living room, where Sicheng is still sitting quietly. He puts the mugs on coasters on the coffee table and gets under the blanket with Sicheng, slipping his hand into Sicheng’s.

“Thanks for the tea,” he says, before resting his head on Kun’s shoulder.

It makes Kun’s heart race, having Sicheng this close.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Kun asks.

“More Haikyuu first?”

Kun grabs the remote and finds the next episode they’re on and plays it. They sit in a comfortable silence, quietly sipping at their tea.

“Nothing happened,” Sicheng says. 

“Hm?” 

“I just haven’t been sleeping well and wanted to see you,” he confesses.

It always surprises Kun when Sicheng is this open with how he’s feeling. He’s glad that Sicheng trusts him as much as Kun does with his own feelings. He likes being the person that he seeks out for comfort.

-

Kun slowly begins to realize that he looks at Sicheng constantly. Honestly, he can’t help it. It’s as if no matter what Sicheng is doing, no matter how mundane, he can’t help but stare. He stares at Sicheng’s long delicate fingers wrapped around the neck of a beer bottle. He stares at Sicheng’s mouth when he’s in the middle of telling Yuta off about God knows what. He stares at the way the light clings to Sicheng’s skin, making him look radiant and drowning him in gold. He looks at him infinitely more than he used to. 

When he realizes why he looks at Sicheng so much he feels like an idiot. 

They’re passing by a convenience store when Sicheng suddenly stops him.

“Kun-ge,” he says, “I want banana milk.”

“So buy it?”

“Kun-ge,” Sicheng pouts. “Buy me banana milk?”

Kun sighs, heading into the store while Sicheng waits outside. He grabs two banana milks for him and a chocolate one for himself and pays.

He hands the bag to Sicheng, “You’re carrying this.”

“You got me two? This is why you’re my favorite,” he says happily.

When Kun looks up and sees Sicheng’s blinding smile, he’s suddenly struck with how badly he wants to kiss him. He wonders why it took him so long to get here and suddenly everything makes sense. His mind is spinning, thinking about Sicheng, even with him right next to him.

He now gets why he wants to spend as much time as possible with him, why he can’t help but steal glances at him, why he always wants to look at him. What does catch him off guard is that Sicheng is always looking back. 

In the past, he’s always fallen for people quick and hard. Even with Ten, he immediately had a massive crush on him, even if they were friends for a while before they had gotten together. It’s probably why it’s taken him until now to realize that he might be in love with Sicheng, it wasn’t a sudden thing. Instead, it seems like it was inevitable. As if he’s taken the longest path possible to get to this.

He’s a fucking idiot, not knowing this whole time that he’s been falling in love with Sicheng.

-

Life goes on, even after having a monumental realization. He listens to Yukhei talk about Dejun, one of Renjun’s friends he just met that he already has a massive crush on, he works, and he spends time with Sicheng. 

Yukhei ends up inviting them to meet Dejun and his friends. Kun, Sicheng, and Yukhei all head over to Dejun’s together. The whole way there, Yukhei excitedly prattles on about how great Dejun is and how he’s looking forward to them meeting him and his friends. Kun half listens, becoming more and more distracted by how he and Sicheng’s arms keep brushing against each other’s and how easy it would be to grab Sicheng’s hand and hold it. He’s proud of himself for being able to resist.

The whole time they’re at Dejun’s, Kun’s attention is solely on Sicheng. He thinks of how he has always been a presence right by side and how much more he’s noticing it now. He's really trying his best to listen to Dejun and his friends, Yangyang and Kunhang, but it’s fucking hard. He knows Yukhei is going to ask him all kinds of questions about Dejun specifically and what he thinks of him and what is he supposed to say? _Sorry, I was busy ogling my best friend because it turns out I’m in love with him and he's beautiful and maybe have been at least a little bit this whole fucking time?_

Kun is shaken out of his thoughts by Sicheng placing his hand on his thigh.

“Pay attention gege,” he teases quietly, “Xuxi’s gonna quiz you later.”

Kun sighs and Sicheng takes his hand off of him. “Yeah, he is.”

When he glances at Sicheng, he sees the tip of his ear is tinged red.

After a few hours Sicheng elbows him. “Let’s go back to mine, Yuta’s out.”

Sicheng falls asleep on his shoulder the second they manage to get seats next to each other on the train. Kun feels his heart begin to race and he does the only thing he can think of in an effort to calm himself down. He slips his hand into Sicheng’s, who instinctively tightens his grip, not rousing from his slumber. Kun is beyond relieved that Sicheng is asleep and can’t see how red his face is right now. 

As he scrolls through his phone with one hand and the other still in Sicheng’s, he wonders if this what Yukhei means every time he gives him that look when Kun says he’s going to see Sicheng.

-

Being in love with Kun is easy. 

The fact that Kun is completely oblivious to it makes it even easier. It’s something that Sicheng barely even notices about himself anymore, the undercurrent of affection that always is present around him. It’s easy to ignore, especially while he was dating Ten. He never wanted to get in the way of Kun’s happiness, it’s something he’s always prioritized above himself. 

When he and Ten broke up, all he cared about was making sure Kun was okay. He wouldn’t necessarily ignore Ten, but he was definitely short with him until Ten insisted they talk on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

“I know you’re in love with him,” Ten had said, as plainly as if he were discussing the weather. “I don’t blame you. I think he’s a little in love with you too, even if he’s beyond emotionally repressed to realize it yet.”

“Wha—”

“Shh Sichengie, let me talk. I just don’t think Kun and I were meant for each other in this lifetime, as stupid as that sounds. I should have handled the whole thing better, instead, I was just really cruel and said shit that I knew would hurt him. That was really fucked up of me, and you should be mad at me for it. I want to apologize to him. I’m going to apologize to him, I just don’t know if now is the right time to do that yet.”

“You really hurt him,” Sicheng said.

“Please don’t judge me too terribly for this. I met someone last week. He’s friends with Taeyong, Johnny?”

“As in Jaehyun’s best friend Johnny?”

Ten nodded. “He’s nice. I like him, I think.”

Sicheng looked at him and saw how vulnerable and open he was being. He’s hung out with Johnny before, Jaehyun has dragged him out with them a few times. His immediate thought was that Johnny would be good for Ten. “Johnny’s great.”

“Yeah. Anyway about your feelings.”

“No.”

“Sichengie.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he mumbles.

“Does anyone else know?”

“Xuxi and Yuta. I told Jae once when we were drunk but we’ve never talked about it again.”

‘Hm. Does he remember?”

“Yeah, of course he does. He always tells me to invite Kun out with us.”

Ten pensively chews at his straw. “Why don’t you?”

“You were dating him and no offense but I didn’t want to see that when I wanted to get drunk and not think about it all.”

“And after?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m always just worried I’ll say something to him, especially if he’s still hurting after everything.”

For the rest of the time they spent at the coffee shop, they caught up on things that have happened in the last month or two.

Since then, Ten has insisted that he is Sicheng’s favorite confidante about his feelings for Kun. It’s not true, obviously. It’s Yukhei, it’s always been Yukhei. He never minds when Sicheng just needs to rant about how lovely and kind and handsome Kun is, just nodding in agreement, and never brings it up to him again. He’s made the mistake of ranting to Yuta way too many times and since then he always talks about how they’re the ultimate slow burn, and he never wants to talk to him again.

Yukhei just listens, never giving him shitty advice the way Ten and Yuta do. And when he does give him advice, he knows it comes from a place of vaguely having an idea of what the fuck is going on in Kun’s head. Thankfully, Ten doesn't bring up Kun that often after they discussed everything, just occasionally asking about how he's doing, or if Sicheng has made a move yet.

He’s out to lunch with Ten when he brings it up.

“Johnny said Jaehyun wants to go out Friday night. I don’t think we’re gonna go but you should invite Kun.”

There’s a little alarm in the back of Sicheng’s head going off and flashing red as if Ten is up to something but he ignores it.

“Why is he already planning stuff for Friday, it’s not even Monday yet. But yeah, I guess I can see if he wants to.”

“Gotta have something to make it to the end of the week for, Sicheng.”

Sicheng laughs in reply. He has a point. 

“I really do think Kun likes you,” Ten continues, “From everything you’ve told me about how he’s acting around you lately. Maybe getting someone else’s perspective on it will motivate you to talk to him.”

He shrugs. He really doesn’t want to think about it, give himself hope. But he knows Ten has a point, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

After meeting with Ten he feels hyperaware of everything with Kun and his fucking feelings. Jaehyun messaged him as he left the coffee shop inviting him to go out Friday night, extending the invitation to any of his other friends, which as always, really means that Jaehyun wants him to Kun. 

He meets up with Kun two days later after work and immediately chickens out of asking him then. Instead, they sit and eat, Kun telling him about the new song he’s working on.

Kun suddenly beams at Sicheng brightly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble for so long.”

Sicheng feels his heart fucking melt. “It’s fine, you know I like listening to you.”

He wonders when he’s gonna slip up and say something whenever Kun smiles at him like that.

-

Kun begs Sicheng to go to a coffee shop with him, he’s craving tiramisu like crazy all day and he’s thrilled when Sicheng gives in right away.

Kun waits for him outside, and when he sees Sicheng through the window, he’s embarrassed at how excited he is to see him. 

He orders his tiramisu and two iced Americanos and by the time he pays, Sicheng is standing next to him.

“I got you a drink already, go find us a table.”

Sicheng’s ears turn pink. “Okay.”

“Thanks for the drink, ge,” Sicheng says as Kun sits down with their stuff. Sicheng got them a table in the corner, secluded from the rest of the shop in two sofa chairs. It’s Kun’s favorite corner because of how cozy it is.

Kun takes a picture of their table to post on Instagram. It has Sicheng in the background, with a small smile on his face. He likes how he looks like that, soft and cozy in one of his knit sweaters, the tips of his fingers just barely sticking out. He’s _so_ cute. All Kun wants is to look at him like this.

“Hey Kun?” Sicheng says cautiously.

Kun looks up from his phone. “What’s up?

“Jaehyun said a bunch of them are going out tomorrow night. Him, Taeyong. Yuta and Doyoung. I think maybe a few others. Do you wanna go with me?”

Kun hesitates, but Sicheng is looking at him with this pout and he can’t help it. “Yeah, sounds fun.

-

The second Sicheng said that Jaehyun invited him he should have known that Ten would be there with Johnny, chatting with Jaehyun, Taeyong, Yuta, and Doyoung. He makes awkward eye contact with them and Ten surprises him, saying “Hello Kunkun,” sweetly with no hint of malice behind it. It reminds him of when he saw them at the coffee shop what feels like eons ago, and he wonders if he completely misread that situation.

They head to get drinks, Sicheng murmuring, “I’m sorry, Ten said they weren’t gonna be coming.”

“It’s fine Sichengie,” Kun replies. “Really, it’s fine.”

And it is. He thinks of how jealous he felt when he saw Ten and Johnny and feels embarrassed about it. Ten looks happy and Kun is genuinely glad that he found someone who makes him happy. He has no lasting feelings for Ten, at all. 

Mostly, he really likes having Sicheng by his side.

He’s hung out with Sicheng’s friends a few times before, but this time feels different. He can’t help but feel like they’re all watching him closely, especially Jaehyun. It feels like Jaehyun knows something that he doesn’t. He doesn’t act any different, just asks Kun what he’s been up to, how work is going the usual small talk type things. He drinks slower than usual since he feels watched, getting to a comfortable level of tipsy, and staying there. Sicheng is a different story.

It’s been a while since he’s seen Sicheng be drunk. He’s not sure if it’s brain playing tricks on him but it seems like Sicheng is way more affectionate than usual. He’s constantly touching Kun. It’s as if they’re acting like a couple. He’s reminded of how he and Ten used to be when they would go out with friends, Ten clinging to him, but he really likes how it’s _Sicheng_ on him.

Kun doesn’t normally let himself get dragged to the dance floor when he agrees to go clubbing but for whatever reason, it just takes one pout from a drunk Sicheng to get him there. 

Sicheng is drunk and ethereal under the flashing lights. He puts his hands on Kun’s waist, pulling him in close and Kun flushes as he looks up at him and puts his arms around his neck. Sicheng flashes a smirk at him and Kun loses himself in the feeling of Sicheng touching him and the loud bass. He feels like his head is spinning, screaming out _Sicheng Sicheng Sicheng_.

Suddenly, Sicheng is whispering in his ear. “You look at me a lot now. I don’t get why.”

Kun is _positive_ they’re both too drunk for this conversation. This isn’t the time or place for this, but he gets it. It’s easy to be honest when you’re drunk. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno, you’re you. I’m just me.”

“Sicheng—”

Sicheng laughs. It sounds hollow and it’s the worst thing Kun has heard. “I’m not Ten.”

“I don’t want you to be him. I look at you a lot because you’re my favorite,” Kun says honestly. He can feel the affection dripping in his voice and he just has to hope that Sicheng hears it too. “You look at me a lot too.”

“Can’t help it,” Sicheng mumbles. “I love looking at you.”

Kun freezes, causing Sicheng to bump into him. “Sichengie,” he says softly, “we can’t do this here.” 

He just smiles and Kun grabs his arm, pulling him back towards the table. He drops him off at their booth, ignoring the way Ten is watching them intently.

“I’ll be right back,” he says. 

He takes the few minutes it takes to get a bottle of water from the bar to process all of what Sicheng said. He feels abruptly sober and he’s not sure what to do with Sicheng’s drunken words. 

When he gets back to the table, Sicheng is talking to Jaehyun and Yuta, who is animatedly telling a story.

He takes his seat next to Sicheng and silently passes the water bottle to him, immediately beginning to drink it. Kun checks his phone, ignoring messages from Yukhei and checking to see how much an Uber would be. Sicheng suddenly leans on Kun, grabbing his free hand on the table and laces their fingers together.

Kun is relieved it’s dark enough that no one would be able to tell how much he’s blushing.

“I’m getting us a ride,” Kun says.

They say good night to everyone, but Yuta insists on getting up and hugging them.

“I’m gonna go to Jaehyun’s for the night,” Yuta says in Kun’s ear. “Please take good care of him.”

Kun nods, “Of course. I’ll see you later.”

Yuta grins and turns to Sicheng. “Sichengie, don’t be an idiot, you know what I mean. And Kun text me when you guys get home.”

When they get outside of the bar, their car is already around the corner. After it pulls up and they get in and Sicheng immediately begins talking about EXO until he dozes off. By the time they get back to his apartment, he seems less drunk and just tired.

He talks Sicheng in to get ready for bed while he grabs a pillow and blanket from the closet and tosses it on the couch.

“Kun-ge taking care of me,” Sicheng says with a fond smile on his face as he gets into his bed. “I’m the luckiest.”

“I’m grabbing you more water.” 

By the time Kun gets back from the kitchen with a glass of water for him, Sicheng is drifting to sleep.

“You’ll stay right?”

“I’ll be on the couch, don’t worry.”

Sicheng pouts. “That’s not what I mean.” 

“Talk to me in the morning then,” Kun says bravely. He’s pretty sure Sicheng won’t remember anything but maybe he will. He’s not sure why he feels so brave now, why he can shove away his fears and insecurities.

“Okay, we will then. Good night Kun.” He then mutters something muffled into his pillow that Kun can’t make out.

Kun barely sleeps. He ends up waking up as the sun rises and stays up, listening to music and gathering his thoughts. He’s surprised they’re more coherent than just his brain screaming Sicheng over and over. He can do this. He can talk to Sicheng about last night, he can tell him the truth, _why_ he looks at him. He can be open and honest about what he feels. He goes across the street to get them coffee for when Sicheng finally wakes up. He’s not sure where this confidence came from, it’s like everything just snapped into place when Sicheng basically confessed, even if he did it drunk.

He can do this.

When Sicheng wakes up, he’s doesn't seem hungover, mostly just looking tired.

“Fuck me,” Sicheng says. “Coffee?”

Kun opens the fridge and pulls out two iced coffees, passing one to Sicheng.

“My hero,” he says. “I don’t remember anything after Yuta insisted on multiple rounds of shots.”

Kun freezes. “Nothing?”

“Nah,” Sicheng says after a long pull. “We took a car home, right? Did I talk about EXO?”

“You always do that when you’re drunk,” Kun replies.

Sicheng shrugs. “I mean yeah. That’s all I remember though.”

Kun tries to shrug it all off but he’s hurt. He can feel his insecurities come back to the forefront. He completely blanks out. They finish their coffees and Kun immediately heads out, telling Sicheng he’s still tired and wants to go home and sleep.

-

When Kun gets back to his place, he immediately sets up in the kitchen, grabbing his laptop from his room and begins to look up recipes. He’s not sure what to make. He’s not sure what to _do._ It takes him an embarrassingly long time to put the words to how he’s feeling, he feels rejected. He feels like Sicheng saw his way out of the situation and took it. 

The pork buns are almost done cooling off when Yukhei walks in.

“Kun…”

Kun sighs, not even looking up from his laptop. “I don’t want to talk about it yet.”

Yukhei frowns. “I’m canceling my plans with Dejun. We’re gonna eat some fucking pork buns and watch something and then you’re going to tell me what’s happening.”

“Okay,” Kun mumbles.

They eat in silence on the couch with an episode of One Piece playing in the background when Yukhei finally broaches the subject.

“Is it Sicheng?”

“I think he sort of told me he likes me last night? And I told him we should talk about it in the morning when we’re sober and I was ready for it. I was _so_ ready to talk to him about everything. I was ready to tell him how I feel, Xuxi. But in the morning, he said he didn’t remember anything from last night.”

“Oh. Fuck,” Yukhei says.

“Yeah,” Kun agrees. “Fuck.”

-

Kun is confused when Ten texts him, asking him to meet up for coffee.

He awkwardly waits for him at a coffee shop they used to go to in Gangnam, sitting at a table on the second floor with their drinks.

“Sorry I’m late,” Ten says as he takes a seat across from Kun, “Taeyong had a last-minute thing to tell me about as I was leaving the studio. Thank you for getting my drink.”

“It’s okay. And no problem,” Kun says. It’s weird being in this situation with Ten again. It’s weird and reassuring not having any lingering feelings for him. He still feels _so_ uncomfortable though.

“This doesn’t have to be awkward,” Ten says kindly. “We were friends once.”

“Yeah,” he replies awkwardly.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Ten starts. “It’s not bad or anything. You know how Sicheng and I are close?”

Kun nods.

“He lied to you that morning. When he said he didn’t remember. Everything he said to you that night was true.”

“Huh?” Kun replies. He did not expect that.

Ten smiles warmly. “He panicked in the morning when he realized he basically implied he has feelings for you. And you know how Sicheng is when it comes to not being a huge tsundere, he freaked out. So he just said he didn’t remember. Which, obviously, I think was fucking stupid because he told me the shit you said to him too. And I saw how you guys were with each other that whole night. You’re both emotionally-repressed idiots.”

Ten looks at Kun, assessing his reaction before continuing, “Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be happy, Kun. When Johnny and I saw you that day and you said you weren’t seeing anyone I was surprised. Afterward, I was worried you took my surprise the wrong way but I was too scared to reach out to you then.”

“How _did_ you mean it?”

“I thought you would have been with Sicheng already,” he confesses. 

Kun stares at him. He’s serious.

Ten rolls his eyes. “He’ll kill me if he finds out I did this. I think if you pay attention you’ll realize what I mean, Kun.”

Kun sighs, quietly replying, “I know what you mean.”

“I also wanted to talk to you about something else,” he says, suddenly sounding nervous. “When we broke up, I said things I knew would hurt you and I can see that you internalized a lot of that. I’m sorry, really. I understand if you don’t forgive me for that.”

Kun doesn’t think he’s ever heard Ten apologize like this before. 

“I haven’t been mad at you for a while, honestly. Thank you for apologizing, it means a lot to me.”

Ten looks relieved at that. “I mean it, Kunkun. I am so sorry I hurt you. I figured the least I could do is try to make things is to help you with Sicheng.”

Kun blushes at that.

“Wait, Ten?” Kun calls out as they’re about to go off in opposite directions,” I’m glad you met Johnny. You seem happy with him.”

Ten smiles brightly at him. “I am. I hope you give Sicheng a chance, Kun. Be confident.”

-

They’re out for barbeque, just the two of them. Sicheng had gotten to the restaurant before him and when he sees Sicheng in one of his nicer button-down shirts, Kun is glad he decided to dress a little nicer, styling his hair for once, as if he's trying to impress him. 

“You look nice,” Kun says as he slides into the booth.

Sicheng chokes on his water, suddenly flustered. “Thanks. You do too.”

Sicheng is nervous all of dinner. Kun has no clue why. It’s cute though, how Sicheng occasionally trips over his words, or how he keeps biting his lip nervously.

“It’s nice out, do you wanna go for a walk?” Sicheng asks.

Kun nods, “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

They walk quietly, Kun taking in the view. Their hands keep brushing against each other’s, and he can’t stop thinking about it. Sicheng surprises him, grabbing his hand and slipping his into in.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Kun breathes out. “It’s more than okay.”

When he looks over, Sicheng is smiling.

“I want to tell you something, Kun,” Sicheng says nervously, “I just need like, a minute before I can say it.”

“Take your time.”

Sicheng does. 

They walk a bit longer before Sicheng pulls him towards a bench and they sit down.

Kun almost forgets that Sicheng wanted to tell him something, distracted by how nice his hand feels in his when he finally speaks again.

“I’m in love with you,” Sicheng says quietly. 

Kun can’t believe it. It catches him off guard, not expecting Sicheng to say something, or anything, so concisely. He thought it would be a process, a slow unfolding of his feelings. But the second he hears it, he can hear Ten in his head as they broke up. Sicheng deserves better than _this_ , than him. His heart begins to race and he suddenly feels overwhelmed with anxiety. He wonders where all of his confidence went.

“I’m not good enough for you, Sicheng,” Kun says, his voice beginning to crack. He tries his best to shove it back down but he feels like every feeling he ever had is about to explode. 

“You don’t get to decide that,” he replies. “I know you think you’re this like, nightmare person but you’re _not._ ”

“I wasn’t good enough for Ten,” Kun says, not thinking and just talking, “what makes you think I’d-“

“Don’t finish that fucking sentence, Kun. I’m not Ten. I want you _._ Ten wanted something that you weren’t and I know that has monumentally fucked you up, but I want _you,_ ” Sicheng pauses before adding quietly, “I’ve always wanted you, Kun.”

Kun feels his vision blur. When he looks at Sicheng, he sees the tears in his eyes. In the years he’s known Sicheng, he has never seen him cry. He’s never seen him this visibly upset, this emotive. 

They sit quietly, side by side. They’re still holding hands, Kun realizes. He’s not sure how much time has passed but he feels Sicheng begin to shake next to him breathing becoming erratic. He’s fucked up again. 

Once Sicheng calms down he says softly, “You deserve to be happy too, Kun. I don’t know why you won’t let me try to do that.” 

The thing is, Kun wants to believe Sicheng. He wants to believe that he deserves to be happy, that he deserves to try to be happy with Sicheng. But he can’t help but think about how constantly fucks up, even now with him. How can he trust himself to not fuck up again?

Kun squeezes Sicheng’s hand. “What if. I, I need a few days to think, Sichengie. This is a lot. I need to wrap my brain around it all. I don’t want to run from you.”

“Okay,” Sicheng says quietly. 

They head back to the station. They wait a few minutes for the train. 

Once it comes, full of people, they board the crowded train and Sicheng finally lets go of Kun’s hand, the sudden lack of contact hurts.

He ends up right against Sicheng in the throng of people just trying to get home. Sicheng’s hand on ends up on his waist steadying him against him but it feels like there are miles between them.

-

Sicheng’s words don’t leave Kun’s thoughts. It’s only been a few days since he talked to him but Kun hates it. He hates the space between them, the distance they thought they needed. He misses Sicheng more than anything. He wants Sicheng’s presence back, he wants Sicheng. 

“Kun-ge?” 

Yukhei’s sudden voice jolts him out of his thoughts. 

“Kun,” Yukhei repeats, voice filled with concern, “Kun, you’re crying? Are you okay? Can I do anything?”

Kun just looks at him. 

“I’m not crying,” he replies, ignoring his blurring vision and how wet his fucking face is.

He didn’t even realize he was crying. He can’t remember the last time he’s cried this much. He gives up, patting the spot next to him on the couch and Yukhei immediately rushes over sitting next to him. Kun lifts Yukhei’s arm and puts it around himself and lets himself cry onto Yukhei’s chest. 

“I miss Sicheng,” he says quietly once he stops crying and manages to tell Yukhei everything that’s happened. “I miss him so much and it’s my fault we’re not talking. I fucked everything up, Xuxi. I fucked it all up.”

Yukhei runs his hand through Kun’s hair, comforting him. It’s weird being taken care of for once. “Sicheng loves you, ge. I’m sure everything is actually alright. You just need to talk to him and _listen_ to what he says _._ ” 

“It’s not that easy,” Kun insists.

“It is though,” Yukhei replies. “You just need to stop getting in the way of your own happiness, ge.”

He sighs. “Sicheng said that too.”

“I know being known is really scary for you but no one knows you better than Sicheng,” Yukhei says softly, “I think he can decide if you’re good enough for him or not.”

“I just freaked out, Xuxi. I don’t even know why. I was ready to talk to him after that night I went out with him and his friends but him acting like he forgot really messed with me, as if he was already rejecting me.”

Yukhei laughs under his breath.“You are both so fucking stupid.” 

Kun stares at him. 

“No offense,” he hurriedly tacks on. “But holy shit, you’re both _so_ stupid.”

Kun sighs. “I miss him.”

“It seems pretty straight forward, honestly. You want to be with him, right,” he looks up at Kun for assurance, to which he nods, “Tell him that you needed the time to gather your thoughts because of everything with Ten-ge and everything you just told me. And tell him you want to be with him.”

Yukhei grabs his phone, checking the time. “You can probably get your shit together and still make the last train.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Xuxi, I think you’re a genius. I owe you my life.” 

Kun gets up and rushes to the bathroom, splashing water on his face until he feels human. 

“Obviously,” Yukhei says. “Good luck ge, I really don’t think you need it but still.”

Yukhei’s reassurance eases his nerves as he heads out the door. He obsessively checks the time and messages Yuta on his way out of his building, hoping he isn’t completely pissed at him for everything and will help him out. To his surprise, Yuta lets him know that Sicheng is home and that he’ll clear out for them to talk, saying he can he head to Doyoung's for the night. He also wishes him luck, with a stupid amount of emojis. He’s not sure why Yuta has such faith in him but he takes it as a good sign.

He makes his way through the gates and down to the platform, staring at the track until the jingle plays. The train is almost completely empty, just a few people in his car minding their own business, in their own little worlds, and he takes a seat, taking advantage of the 30-minute ride to figure out what the fuck he’s actually doing. 

Any of the half-assed plans he made go right out the window when Sicheng opens in the door, wearing one of Kun’s hoodies that he took from him and looking so tired. Kun is stupidly in love with him. He’s a massive fucking idiot.

“Kun?”

He opens his mouth but no words come out. He steps into his apartment, looking up and checking with Sicheng for approval each step he takes closer to him. Sicheng closes the door and Kun wants nothing more than to be as close as possible to him. He’s about to ask, or try to ask when Sicheng pulls him in for a hug. 

“I didn’t say that I love you too,” Kun blurts as he finally finds his voice. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too. Have you gotten your head out of your ass yet?”

Kun laughs. “Xuxi called me an idiot.”

“You _are_ an idiot.”

“He called you an idiot too,” Kun adds, pouting. 

“I am also an idiot,” Sicheng replies and as pulls away, Kun nearly whines at the lack of contact. Sicheng just grabs Kun’s hand and pulls him towards the couch.

“Whenever you’re ready to talk, you can start,” he says and he puts on the next episode of Haikyuu.

After the theme song, Sicheng turns to Kun. 

“Is this why Yuta left in a rush?” He asks quietly. 

“Yeah. I. I texted him on my way out.”

Sicheng smiles. “Of course. He’s such a sap.”

Kun watches Sicheng instead of the TV. It takes him a few minutes but he finally speaks.

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah,” he replies, grabbing the remote and pausing.

“Shut up. I wanna be with you.”

“Okay,” Sicheng replies, a small smile beginning to appear on his face.

“It’s not that easy though,” Kun says.

Sicheng rolls his eyes. “Yes, it is. You can talk to me, Kun. About all of the weirdo hang-ups that you have. I get that you’re scared. So am I. I’m fucking _terrified_. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this for so long and trying to find the nerve to even think about telling you. But I want this. You’re allowed to want it too.”

Kun exhales.

“Before I really realized what was happening, I couldn’t stop looking at you. And then I realized you were looking too.”

“I’ve always looked at you, Kun," Sicheng replies. "Do you know how fucking weird it is talking to your best friend’s ex about being in love with your best friend? Especially when it’s Ten?”

“I can’t imagine,” he replies a small grin on his face thinking back to his own conversation with Ten. 

“The worst was when Ten said he knew the whole time. I felt so bad. Guilty. He brushed it off as not a big deal since he knew I wouldn’t have done or said anything then. I was still pretty much trying to process it all.”

“What do you mean the whole time? The whole time Ten and I dated?”

Sicheng nods, refusing to look at Kun in the eyes.

“Sicheng.”

“You were happy with him. I wasn’t—I didn’t think I deserved you anyway. Xuxi and Yuta got an earful of me angsting about it. So did Jaehyun actually, but we both pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Xuxi? Really? That kind of explains a lot.” Kun can’t help the laugh that escapes his mouth. He’s an idiot. He’s so mad that Sicheng would say that and he realizes just how he felt when he confessed and Kun ran his mouth.

“Sicheng, I think we’re idiots.”

Sicheng laughs brightly. “Yeah, obviously.”

Kun pulls Sicheng in close, wrapping his arms around him. 

“Kun-ge,” Sicheng whines. He readjusts how they’re sitting so it’s more comfortable, Sicheng leaning on him almost sitting in his lap, and restarts the episode.

When the episode ends, Sicheng turns and looks Kun in the eyes. It makes his heart race how open and lovingly Sicheng is looking at him.

“Can I please kiss you now?” Sicheng says. “I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.”

“You want to what?” Kun replies, voice high with surprise.

Sicheng rolls his eyes, gently cradling Kun’s face in his hands. “You’re so annoying. Please let me kiss you.”

Kun kisses him as his answer, pulling Sicheng into his lap and wrapping his arms around his waist. 

“Holy shit,” he says after Sicheng pulls away, smiling at him shyly before burying his head in Kun’s shoulder.

“Love you,” Kun says quietly.

It’s almost surreal to think that Kun is here in Sicheng’s apartment with him so close, allowed to be so open with his feelings. Sicheng has always been his favorite person and this new way of having him feels right. It feels easy being with him like this. He loves Sicheng so much he feels like he’s going to burst. He can’t believe how hard it was for both of them to get to this point. He could think of all the time they’ve wasted to get here but instead, he’s just glad that they did. 

Sicheng lifts his head back up, the tips of his ears bright red with embarrassment, and kisses Kun’s cheek. “I love you too.”

Kun has never felt happier than this moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> [PLEASE talk to me about wayv<3](http://www.twitter.com/fleur_cannon) | [ cc ](https://curiouscat.me/yangyangsdemonparent)


End file.
